In Gilmore Girls, Michel is always a little prickly around the edges, but once you get to know him... well, even then too. But with his grumpy attitude comes some of the best zingers throughout the series. Even in a not-so-great episode of the series, Michel's quips are one thing you can always count on.
Trying to narrow down a handful of his best jabs was difficult, but we think we've found some winners. Here are some of our favorite quotes from Michel throughout Gilmore Girls.
10 "Yoo-hoo! Hee-Haw man!"
In the episode "Cinnamon's Wake," the beloved cat of Rory and Lorelai's neighbors Morrie and Babbette passes away. While most pet funerals are solemn affairs, this one gets the whole town involved, even Michel as he drops off a bag during the funeral. As he walks through the door, he notices a Stars Hollows resident and calls out, "Yoo-hoo! Hee-Haw man!" It's just one of twenty other pop culture references that pepper the episode, but Michel's apprehensive delivery along with the expression on the man's face is priceless.
9 "Let Us Just Stand Here And Let The Awkwardness Wash Over Us."
The final season of Gilmore Girls is generally not regarded well among fans as particular plot devices and character changes that seemed counterintuitive to the status quo. One character that remained virtually the same throughout all seasons until the end, however, was Michel. In the 11th episode of the seventh season, Luke enters the Dragonfly Inn to find Lorelai. He tries to make small talk with Michel while waiting but utterly fails. To put Luke out of his misery, Michel, at last, declares, "Let us just stand here and let the awkwardness wash over us." We feel you, Michel. Small talk is misery.
8 "Who Wants To Play An Insipid Board Game With Me?"
Michel can tolerate adults. Sort of. Some days. But if there's one thing he absolutely cannot stand is children. Unfortunately, he finds himself having to not only interact with them but entertain them as well in the second episode of season five, "A Messenger, Nothing More." When the Krumholtz family passes through the inn, the parents decide that they want to do a little sightseeing and shopping sans their children.
They are under the illusion that Michel is pretending to be mad and chase them around, but we all know that Michel's not pretending. However, given that the Krumholtz family is staying in a suite at the inn, it behooves Michel to keep the customers happy, so he slaps a smile on his face and asks "Who wants to play an insipid board game with me?"
7 "Well, I'm Not Talking To Them Nicely."
Despite being tucked away in Stars Hollow, neither the Independence Inn nor the Dragonfly are usually hurting for business. One day, a group of French businessmen comes through the inn and given that Michel is the only native French speaker, Lorelai asks him to go and accommodate them. One might initially think Michel would jump at this chance, but he's as unenthused as ever, if not more so. Lorelai insists that he take the initiative and speak with them. Miffed, Michel replies, "Well, I'm not talking to them nicely." Poor Michel picked the wrong industry.
6 "You Know Who Just Nipped At My Ear? Jack I-Don't-Care."
Lorelai's love for winter is perhaps only second to her love for coffee. One of her most iconic lines is "I smell snow." The first snow of winter brings her more joy than the holidays themselves. Of course, despite her best efforts, she cannot get Michel to conjure up even the faintest hint of excitement when she displays her affection for the days of winter. On one such occasion, Lorelai declares that Jack Frost has nipped at her nose, to which Michel responds, "You know who just nipped at my ear? Jack I-don't-care." For those of us who don't care all that much for winter, we stan Michel.
5 "Today I'm Suffering From Ennui"
Michel will do anything to avoid actually working. If he were to have a mantra, it would probably be something along the lines of, "Do as little as possible to make it through the day."
On one occasion, he declares to Lorelai, "Today, I'm suffering from ennui," which in turn causes Sookie to "suffer" from the same malady. It doesn't take too long for Lorelai to snap Sookie out of it, but Michel can't be roused from his ennui episode. Congrats, Michel. You win the most creative excuse to avoid doing your job... and you almost took perennially perky Sookie down with you.
4 "You're A Taylor Tease."
If there's one person in Stars Hollow people love to hate, it's Taylor Doose, owner of Doose's Market and the town selectman. He's always got beef with Luke, but he steps on a lot of other toes as well. In episode four of season 5, "Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too," he rejects Lorelai's parking space application over an inconsistency in how she lists her name. She threatens to kick Taylor where the sun doesn't shine, but Michel points out that she never carries these threats out; "You're a Taylor tease," Michel responds. Michel takes umbrage with more than his fair share of people, but we'd love to see him and Lorelai actually take Taylor to task for a few things. Maybe in the second Netflix revival?
3 "If I'm To Fetch You Like A Dog, I'd Like A Cookie And A Raise."
Michel has never been one to do more than his job description calls for. Most days, he won't even do what is in his job description. In the second episode of the series, he interrupts a conversation between Lorelai, Jackson, and Sookie to tell Lorelai that she has a phone call and that, "If I'm to fetch you like a dog, I'd like a cookie and a raise." Now perhaps he was searching high and low for Lorelai, but even if he was, the kitchen is not that far from the lobby. But, the next time our boss acts us to do something that's a bridge too far, we'll keep this one in our back pocket.
2 "I'm Doing Internal Cartwheels"
Sarcasm is a defining trait of Michel. They say that we only use 10% of our brains; Michel probably expends 9% of his with sarcasm. This is such an issue that it's difficult to know what, if anything, actually excites him.
But, there are certain situations, sarcasm is necessary for survival. In the fifth episode of season three, a scene at the Independence Inn opens with Lorelai telling Michel that the quilting convention has just sat down to tea to which he responds, "I'm doing internal cartwheels." If we had to deal with a quilting convention, we just might say that, too, Michel.
1 "People Are Particularly Stupid Today. I Can't Talk To Any More Of Them."
Anyone who has ever worked in a customer service job knows how difficult it can be. Many people can be kind and treat you like a human being while others tend to forget that and fly off the handle. It's hard to say exactly how many of those people come to the Independence Inn, and later the Dragonfly, but it's always a bad day with Michel. Despite always looking dapper as a concierge, he struggles to maintain a positive attitude. In one episode, Michel declares "People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them." Regardless of your feelings about Michel, any customer service worker knows how true this quote feels.
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