Marty Funkhouser is one of Larry David's closest friends on Curb Your Enthusiasm. A family man through and through, Funkhouser is dedicated to maintaining customs, preserving relationships, and being loyal. He often butts heads with the insensitive and obdurate Larry, yet he always forgives Larry for his various gaffes.
The actor who plays Funkhouser, Bob Einstein, died suddenly from cancer in 2019. He was an accomplished comedy writer and actor who also had a recurring role on Arrested Development. The cast of Curb was devastated by the news. In a press release, Larry David wrote, "It was an amazing, unforgettable experience knowing and working with him." In honor of the singular Bob Einstein, here are his 10 best quotes as Marty Funkhouser.
10 "You Left My Party Before Dessert! How Can You Do That? It's Not Proper Etiquette."
In Season 5, Larry attends the 25th wedding anniversary dinner for Funkhouser and his wife, Nan. Larry does some serious damage around the dinner table. Funkhouser's daughter, Jodi, after dating women for a long time, is now dating a man. Larry scares Jodi's boyfriend by telling him it must be difficult to live up to Jodi's female lovers. The man breaks up with Jodi, which makes Funkhouser furious.
What's even more infuriating for Funkhouser, though, is the fact that Larry leaves before dessert. Larry tells him he doesn't subscribe to that rule, but Funkhouser doesn't care. Larry ruined the night.
9 "Rabbi Stein Said That I Can't Play In The Golf Tournament Saturday Because I Have To Honor The Sabbath."
Funkhouser is one of Larry's golf buddies, and when they plan to participate in a golf tournament together in Season 8, Funkhouser hits him with this bad news that he can't play on the Sabbath, the day of religious observance for Jews that begins on Friday night and ends on Saturday night.. Larry, in response, asks, "You're Koufaxing us?"
Sandy Koufax was the pitcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers who refused to pitch in Game 1 of the 1965 World Series because it corresponded with Yom Kippur.
8 "Why Do You Pee Sitting Down?"
Funkhouser made his debut in Season 4 of Curb, and one of the most hilarious exchanges between Larry and Funkhouser occurs in the episode "The Weatherman." When Larry confides in Funkhouser that he pees sitting down, Funkhouser can't believe it.
He asks Larry why this is the case, and Larry says, "Many reasons." Funkhouser follows this with another question: "You crap standing up?" This kind of dialogue affirms Bob Einstein's talent as a comedic improvisor.
7 "You Killed A Swan!"
One of Larry's lowest points comes in Season 7, when he kills a swan with a golf ball and causes a man to have a heart attack when he yells at him for being too slow on the golf course. While having lunch at the country club where they play golf, fresh from accidentally ending the swan's life, Funkhouser, who was there when it happened, is plagued with guilt.
Larry, on the other hand, is trying to play it cool. Eventually, Funkhouser loses it, yelling at Larry for what he did. Larry goes as far as pulling a table knife on Funkhouser to get him to chirp down.
6 "I Can't Stand Your Water!"
After his divorce from Nan, Funkhouser is dating a woman named Marilyn. He does his best to be agreeable, and he's unwilling to tell her the tap water in her house, which she doesn't filter, tastes terrible. It all comes to a head, though, when they're at a dinner with Jeff, Susie, and Larry.
In one of his most hilarious outbursts, Funkhouser enumerates all the reasons why Marilyn's water is terrible. "It makes me sick!," he tells her. "I wanna barf every time I get near it." Needless to say, the relationship doesn't last very long after this revelation.
5 "If You Weren't My Best Friend, I'd Pop Your Head Off."
One of the running jokes between Funkhouser and Larry on the show is that Funkhouser thinks Larry is in his best friend, while Larry vehemently denies this. Still, Funkhouser never stops referring to Larry as his number one bud.
Part of Larry's reasoning is that best friends aren't really a thing he wants to have in his life. Larry sees himself as a bit of an outsider, a loner. Even if this isn't really the case, it's still a funny facade to maintain. Funkhouser, meanwhile, just wants to fill his life with friends and love.
4 "I'm An Orphan, Okay?"
In Season 6, after his mother dies, Funkhouser insists he's an orphan. It turns out his father died just a year before, and the mourning man sees himself as parentless and alone. Larry, however, doesn't agree with this label, and he lets Funkhouser know this.
"You're a little too old to be an orphan," Larry insists. Funkhouser then goes on to declare that you can be an orphan no matter your age. Eventually, Larry starts calling him Little Orphan Funkhouser.
3 "Don't Ever Touch My Yarmulke!"
In the same Season 8 episode where Funkhouser backs out of the golf tournament planned for the Sabbath, he also gets a little testy when Larry tries to take off his yarmulke. It turns out Funkhouser has rededicated himself to Judaism, and he's becomes a bit too orthodox for Larry's tastes.
Part of the problem is that Larry has discovered a restaurant in Los Angeles that has the best chicken he's ever eaten. The catch is that it's a Palestinian restaurant, and Larry feels it's necessary to keep his Judaism as under wraps as possible. Funkhouser doesn't agree, and he goes ballistic when Larry attempts to snatch his yarmulke off his head.
2 "You Are A Colossal Prick."
At the beginning of Season 8, Funkhouser lets Larry have it. Funkhouser tries to plan a vacation to get away from Nan, whom he's no longer happy with, but Larry spills the beans to Nan, which means Funkhouser has to bring her along.
He calls Larry a prick, but when Larry asks him why he doesn't just get a divorce, he claims he's too lazy. It turns out the Big Funk, as Larry likes to call him, isn't always so well-adjusted.
1 "What Did You Do With Bam Bam?!"
On Curb, Catherine O'Hara plays Funkhouser's mentally unstable sister, Bam Bam. Jeff, Larry's manager who is also a serial womanizer, decides to sleep with Bam Bam when he and Larry visit Funkhouser's house to spend time with her.
Larry has promised Jeff he won't tell, so when Funkhouser corners Larry about Bam Bam, Larry thinks he's about to get a mouthful from his friend. Instead, Funkhouser thanks him, claiming Bam Bam has acted like a new woman since Larry visited her.
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